Will He Dance? – Chapter One Draft

Will He Dance?

Chapter One – YAY !!! EXPECTING OUR FIRST

 

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59 Responses to Will He Dance? – Chapter One Draft

  1. boston02127 says:

    Squirrels, This story of your family truly touched my heart. You have been through so much. You and your family seem so kind and loving. I hope you continue writing about after you brought Tad home and about your other children. Thank you for sharing.
    Shanna

    • Squirrels says:

      Thanks Shanna for your kind words. As I want to get this published (either via a pub house or self pub), I’m hoping it reads well. Working on chapter two now and hope to finish in 3 mos. Trust me when I say it gets funnier.

  2. I really felt the emotion of your story. It is almost unbelievable how insensitive doctors are!!

    Please keep writing!!

  3. I think that may be relative to the reader’s experience. I found it more fascinating than dark and the humor that was interjected was funny, touching and relatable. In my opinion, I don’t think it needs more lightening up- if there is too much humor it becomes a different kind of story. Since you have a talent for allowing the reader to feel your emotion (which is quite a talent!) I would continue in the same vein.

  4. BamaBelle says:

    Squirrels,

    Your story is truly inspiring! I couldn’t read it fast enough. I bet Tad has brought you and Steven more joy that you could of ever imagined, right? Our preacher’s daughter had a DS baby at a young age, too. It was also her first child. I imagine she had the same reaction as you, at first, because all mothers want to know their children will have a normal, healthy future.

    My preacher’s grandson is a wonderful human-being. So lovable, so kind, so smart-with the little spats of temper fits, LOL… but what child doesn’t have a bit of a temper? He has been a blessing to their family and is dearly loved by all who know him.

    May God Bless You-Squirrels… I can’t wait for the rest of the story and I’m sure it’s a good one. I’m sure Tad-pole is an amazing kid who can dance!!! He’s 26 years old now, right?

    In my youth, many years ago… I volunteered at a Day Camp for a few months working with Down Syndrome children. It was a time I will never forget and have wonderful memories of each and every one of them!

    • Squirrels says:

      Thanks BamaBelle. The fact you didn’t want to run for the hills means allot. Tad is now 25 and still insists he’ll marry Minnie Mouse someday. Oh, and of course, Mickey Mouse is a “loser.” At least he doesn’t call him a “rat.”

      And yes. He dances, plays basketball, swims like a fish, holds down a job and loves to make people laugh.

  5. vilzvet says:

    Wow, I cannot wait to read the next “chapter”! I have a feeling we are all going to learn a lot.

  6. Not that crazy says:

    This is not a dark story, it is a honest story of shock and awe. The devastation is replaced with love and compassion. When you know a special needs person you realize that they are very affectionate and very trusting but can be stubborn. I have friends with a special needs son and when all their other children were driving he was VERY upset because he couldn’t drive. They got him an old used golf cart and installed a gravel “race track” in the back yard. He was happy as a lark and would spend hours driving. If you visited them he always wants to take you for a ride. We called him our “chauffeur”. He had a bad habit of driving off the track but if he stayed on the track we would tip him with is favorite candy.
    Fortunately, you are not alone in your journey. Please continue to share your story with us. It is cathartic for you but more important, it helps us all to understand, sympathize, and become more caring and compassionate people.

    • Squirrels says:

      Thanks crazy. Interesting you mention driving, as it surely plays a role in a couple chapters.

      I appreciate the feedback everyone. Don’t be afraid to tell me I’m windblown in the wordy dept. It’s my only vice. Ok, that’s a lie, too.

      • Not that crazy says:

        I’m no editor but here are some small critiques. I personally like shock and awe because it really is shock and then awe. You are shocked by what you just heard and then in awe because he such an amazing child.
        Steven got the 911 call, maybe Steven got the family 911 call or Steve got a 911 call from the family.
        Open-heart surgery on a baby between seven days to three months old can be required. The sentence is awkward. I’m not sure how to fix it without rewriting the paragraph.
        You have a gift for writing. You write from the heart and we all feel your emotions. Tears were the end result for me because I could feel the range of emotions you were experiencing.
        Dani is right “Will He Dance” is the perfect title. I’d buy your book at full retail. Please keep writing.

  7. Dani says:

    Thank you for allowing us to read your story. It touched my heart and soul. I think you should call it “Will He Dance.” When I read that line I cried. I am looking forward to reading more. Thank you again for sharing this with us.

    • Squirrels says:

      Dani, I’ve been struggling with the title. Your suggestion is one I’ll take into serious consideration. If I use it, please allow me to give you credit.

      • Dani says:

        Squirrels that is so sweet of you, but you don’t need to do that. After I read this, I kept thinking about what you said “Will He Dance.” I could not get the story or that thought out of my head. Your story is so beautifully written and each time I think about it (which I have a lot) I keep coming back to that comment. Love you and keep writing you have real talent. Tell your story for all of the children that have Down syndrome. My best friend has a little guy his name is Mason and he is 2 1/2 he has Down syndrome and he is the most precious child I love him with all my heart. I emailed your story to my BF and can’t wait for her to read it. Thank you.

  8. Squirrels says:

    Wow Dani, high praise indeed. I hope she will enjoy the antics as her child grows. The devil is in the details and Tad has plenty of devil in him. It was my mother who insisted I write this down. I visited her over the Mother’s day weekend and we just began chatting about Tad and all the hijinks we experienced. She laughed out loud and said, “You absolutely need to write this down.” Light dawned on Marblehead Harbor at that point. I flew home and realized she was correct. Write about what you know.

    • Dani says:

      I am looking forward to the next chapter. Please continue with your writing it is an inspiration to all parents. I love the style of your writing you can feel your heart in the telling.

  9. I love your story Squirrels, Thank-you for letting have a preview.
    I only have one critique, I thought the use of “shock & awe” was a little off for me.
    Probably because I never heard that term ’till after 9-11, and your story occurs in the 80’s. It was just a little distracting from your great story.
    It’s a great read! Something about your question to the nurse, “will he dance?”-yeah, I loved that too, and I’m thinking, (hoping), that you foreshadowed something there? Or even as the title.
    While I was reading it I couldn’t wait to see what happened. I was sooo tempted to skip to the end, but you had me hanging on every single word.
    I think when you have it novelized, or finished, I think it will be a “can’t put down” book, especially if you have some lol in it, and I believe you when you say you do.
    Long-winded? If you call that long-winded, then long-winded is a good thing, tell us everything and don’t leave anything out as they say.
    Give Tad a hug for me, he sounds like a great kid and I can’t wait to hear his story.

    • Squirrels says:

      re: shock and awe. Duly noted housewife. This is precisely what I need to make this book printable. tytyty. I knew it when I wrote it, and make no bones that the story is 25 yrs old. Still, the story in order to be original, has no right to borrow from political banter. I’ll rethink it.

      Thanks again. You and all who’ve taken the time to read it are my true editors. Better now than having to explain it later to the dude buried in manuscripts.

  10. ImaJillHater2 says:

    I loved this chapter Squirrels & was disappointed that the the rest of the story wasn’t yet available. I found myself fully engrossed in your experience.

    Can’t wait to read the rest.

    Best of luck on this book, and btw, LOVE the title, “Will he dance”…

  11. CuckooforCocoaPuffs says:

    Squirrels, I’m blown away. You are a really good writer! I, too, thought immediately that the title should be “Will he dance?” (Partly because it was so strange/funny/sweet that that was your first question!)

    I’m really looking forward to reading more!

  12. moriasheehan says:

    As i dry the tears from my eyes, my main thought is, what happens next, i want to know more. keep writing, i will buy your book! wish i knew any publishers.

  13. Not that crazy says:

    What is an APGAR test?

  14. Squirrels says:

    An APGAR test is the physical test they do at one and five minutes immediately following birth. They test for the following:

    Appearance, Pulse, Grimace, Activity, Respiration. For more information,

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apgar_score

    • Not that crazy says:

      Thank You! I know what you mean, I know what I wrote and how I intended it to sound but sometimes people don’t understand it. Trust your instincts. You know your story better than anyone else. Pick the direction you want to take the story and the words will follow. Good Luck!

  15. Squirrels says:

    Ok, I made some changes. Nothing extreme, but can’t express how much I appreciate all your critiques and kind words. I tend to get in my own way with editing. If I stay true to myself, I’ll never get this thing finished, lol.

    Moving on to chapter two….

  16. ShyAsrai says:

    a page turner…… can’t wait for new pages.

  17. Squirrels says:

    Not that it took long to realize the true title was staring me right in the face once so many of you pointed it out, but my daughter’s long time friend visited last night and said, “That is what it has to be.” I’ve known this young woman since she was 12 yrs old, and she knows Tad only too well. She tipped the scale.

    Meanwhile, you guys ROCK. Thank you.

  18. cusi77 says:

    Dear Robin,

    I am very glad to know you chose to title your book “Will He Dance?”…

    Your reaction when you did ask this question comes out from the most unselfish Love… It was like asking “Will He be going to be able to enjoy life?”, “Will He be happy?”.

    Looking forward for the answer! Until next chapter then!

    Cusi

  19. i just popped-in to see if another chapter is available, and yeah, the title moment is perfect.
    I really think that’s the story and its the ultimate TEASER!
    Stop fooling-around with what’s already perfect! You’re probably going to have to go over the whole thing when it’s published anyhow.
    Where’s the next installment??
    Or, if we have to wait for the book…please keep working on it.

  20. Wall St Man says:

    I am not hopeful u will get this I have been blocked by Lynn or World Press. So has Wall St Lady. If this doesn’t go thru we have a floor full of PCs at the office & maybe we will try again. (Maybe she broke a rule ?*?*?)
    Anyway she cried till I had to console her w/ch 1. She wishes u the best & hopes Tad made it
    She noted on Lynn blog that u divorced & moved to DC.
    Once Lynn learned I was related to Wall St Lady (duh h) she blocked me. Wall St Lady has been very sick & u guys really helped her recovery. Thanks ! Any enlightened would be appreciated. Regardless I have a very smart College intern on it. Hopefully Lynn is innocent but if she blocked our many posts since Mon noon she is seriously misrepresenting her self & her blog.

  21. Wall St Man says:

    I am not hopeful u will get this I have been blocked by Lynn or World Press. So has Wall St Lady. If this doesn’t go thru we have a floor full of PCs at the office & maybe we will try again. (Maybe she broke a rule ?*?*?)
    Anyway Wall St Lady cried till I had to console her w/ch 1. She wishes u the best & hopes Tad made it
    & awaits reading your every word.
    We couldn’t have children & she loves kids (Even loves as she says , Trash a’s brood)

    She noted on Lynn blog that u divorced & moved to DC.
    Ans thinks of you as a friend.
    Once Lynn learned I was related to Wall St Lady (duh h) she blocked me. Wall St Lady has been very sick & u guys really helped her recovery. Thanks ! Any enlightment would be appreciated. Regardless I have a very smart College intern on it. Hopefully Lynn is innocent but if she blocked our many posts since Mon noon she is seriously misrepresenting her self & her blog.

    Hope we r welcome here. But mayb its your master host but I think not cuz I could post till discovered as husband to WSL

  22. Wall St Man says:

    Thank you !

  23. wall St Man says:

    How long till ch 3 ? We r holding on till then. U inspire us.

    • LynnNChicago says:

      Wall St Man, I’m not sure what you mean, I didn’t block you or Wall St Lady, I’m really sorry that she was upset, I certainly had no intention of blocking either of you.
      Can you please email me with your IP address and I can check, we had a troll a while back that was stealing other people’s IP’s to use after she was blocked, could she have stolen yours?
      My email LynnAHudson@aol.com thank you!

    • Squirrels says:

      I’m working on it now. I’ll post it when its done, another week or so.

  24. LynnNChicago says:

    Thank you Squirrels for bringing this to my attention, you know I don’t block people so I’m not sure how this happened but I will get to the bottom of it and fix it, promise!!!

    You rock Squirrels!

  25. Wall St Man says:

    Thanks that will make WSL
    very happy!

    • Squirrels says:

      This has been the beauty of Lynn’s blog WSM. Abuse is not tolerated, leaving the rest of us to enjoy the conversations and each other. I’ve learned so much through the other commentators, even at my age. I look forward to both WSL and your comments on her site. If nothing else, it’s a hoot! – Comprised of some of the most clear thinking, compassionate people I’ve had the pleasure to meet.

      If your ISP got jacked, I’m confident Lynn had zero knowledge of it. If it was an oversight, I am equally confident it will be rectified. I have always enjoyed WSL’s wisdom and quips.

      I sincerely hope WSL is feeling well. If she or you ever want those on that blog to lend an ear as to what is going on in your lives, you know you’ve found the right place to do so.

      Many best wishes, and I cannot thank you enough for your words of encouragement regarding my labor of love project.

      Bless.

    • LynnNChicago says:

      Wall St Man,

      When you have a minute can you please try to post on my blog now? I went through all the settings and reset all of the discussion (comment) settings. Sorry it took so long but its been a crazy night. I hope all is fixed. Thanks! Lynn

  26. tracylyn42 says:

    What a beautiful story you are telling and telling it beautifully. I am sure you are giving so much hope and inspiration to all who read your words. There are so many who feel alone in their challenge and will be encouraged with your story. I am looking forward to the next chapter. You are very talented at making your readers feel like they are a part of your family in just a few paragraphths and that is exactly the makings of a very successful storyteller. Keep the story coming or let us know when its done so we can purchase it. but I bet alot of us, even if we read it here first, would be running to our nearest bookstore to buy your story.. Good luck with all!

  27. Wall St Lady says:

    I knew Kara’s birth would b hard & u said u pretty much kept those fears to ur self. Bless U ! This may b hard for Kara June to read at first. I loved how u explained how Tad wraps his arms around Kara to protect her. How sweet. I am also sooooo glad June bug got long eye lashes ! What color r her Dad’s & Kara’s eyes ?

  28. Ok first off.. I just read only a few paragrahps and want that to stick in my mind.. ITs better off to give more backround regardless how irrelevant it is. We need to see the lovely or the bad before the realizion of the core issue. We need to see a build up or a back ussue which may be the opposite and the disappointement.

    This is not my desire but what sells.. or intriques. What I am doing her is just giving my honest opinon for a seller.. please let me do this without objection.

    Ok to read more..

  29. The whole manologue needs more backround story

    • The whole manologue needs more backround story needs more depth and backround story to set up the circumstances for the who what and where. We need more of who and what came to fruition. THe difficulties and the outcome.

  30. Please.. I am just doing what you asked.. I feel so odd doing this. Please let me know if I can continue

  31. On your first birth, you got right to the matter. Any book would be more of a help self book. More details would be required to get the reader to be on board. THe feelings.. what the doctor told you.. how you managed the pain, what you felt with the whole delema regardless that you had no choice in the matter!!! all those lost feelings and delimas was lost in the words.. The doctors word.. your discussion with your husband.. and the ultimate decision.. The whole drama was lost. Its just ones woman account of making a decision which is important to how a woman makes that decision. Just one woman..

    Ok i am tired now.. will do tomorrow.. night

    • Squirrels says:

      nite. ty. very much. I’m no writer by trade. I just want to get across what is real. Any help is sincerely appreciated.

      • I am just giving you my opinions.. hope it is well recieved. If I had the guts to write something.. Well hell I would hope I would want the criticzm.. But you are enbarking something special.. I want you to do well. I feel awful criticizing but I somehow feel it will serve you well for a first time writer and I am only a first class reader. Hope I can help

  32. So glad you are watching and reading!!.. glad for the feed back.. makes me feel better.. hope to give you more feedback tomorrow.. I am just tired.. but I am passionanite bout your tale.. will totally help. make sure I get a shout out in the book.. lol

  33. Ok you said you were poor.. No examples of the life of a woman young and old of no means or h0w you made do. Life was good.. but no examples of how you didnt know better. In those days. we didnt know we were poor until?? what was the defining moment that you knew you were poor? When did it strike you over the head that you were differnt? How did you manage. What made you different. if not.

    • Squirrels says:

      the “poor” was a take off of the Steve Martin film, The Jerk. That is all. Throughout the tale I use allot of quotes from movies, tv, etc. Some folk will get it, some will not. c’est la vie.

  34. I am gonna keep asking you these questions to make you a better writer. In sense you are making me a better writer.. we will embark on this journey together..

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